Losing my "Dirt V-Card" (Original quote by Dr. Matthew W. Bradley)

First ever mountain bike ride with Coach Matt and the Tease...You'd think I would know better by now, right?  Well this morning, I didn't!  When good ol' Coach Matt asked if I'd like to go mountain biking with him and the Tease, I was admittedly hesitant, I've never mountain biked in my life (I know hard to believe, with my obsession with bikes and all, I'm not sure what has kept me away...okay I'll admit it, I'm a Big Fat Chicken!  Steep downhills filled with rocks rocks rocks rivers and more rocks are just not meant for big fat chickens like me!) however I agreed and set my alarm for 4:02 a.m. bright and early (why the :02, I honestly don't have an answer for that, I'm a tiny bit OCD!).  After my very slow ride on a tiny trail through a neighborhood that could have been easily navigated by a four year old on their $20 wal-mart special, Matt phoned ahead to the Tease to let him know that the Big Fat Chicken herself was along for the ride, and that he should head up the trail if he wanted to make it home before dinner.  After the short neighborhood trail we hit the pavement and I was relieved, however this relief was very short lived, we quickly came to the real trail and hit the dirt again.  The first little bit wasn't too bad, the thought, "this is nice, what was I so afraid of" passed through my mind, however I know the Bradley brothers far too well for my mind to simply be at ease in that moment.  You see, the Bradley brothers have this unique method of spreading the joy of cycling, they don't believe in the common approach of taking each cycling new-bee by the hand showing them the greatness of the sport by easing them into it...Hah oh no my friends, they hold true to the their devilish style, their confidence crushing, pain cave inducing method commonly referred to as Baptism by Fire!  Their approach this morning was right on target, steep up/downhills with rocks rocks more rocks and rivers!  Yep I jumped straight into that fire!  The Tease had headed up the trail ahead of us, but made his presence quite known on his descent as he cruised full speed towards me, skidding to a stop at the very last second, inches from my wheel inevitably causing me, the Big Fat Chicken, to unclip with both feet in pure terror! (So I might be being a tiny bit dramatic, but still!;) )  Coach Matt continued up the hill, as the Tease coaxed me to "go ahead, come on."  Of course I knew of his evil plan to ruthlessly taunt and mock my severe lack of mountain bike skills from behind (he even said the plan out loud, why what confidence he has in his ability to relentlessly tease any and all that cross his path!)  However I out-tricked the trickster by going in front and then breaking and unclipping on a steep section, he had no choice but to pedal past me! Phewww!!  As we got closer to the top I was getting somewhat relieved, that is until the Tease asked me if I'd crashed yet.  I replied no of course (can't hardly crash when you are walking your bike up a trail) and then he said these oh so pleasant words, "just wait till we go down."  I had been so focused on getting up that I hadn't really contemplated going back down...now that I had, I was terrified!  After a quick break at the top we started back down.  I watched as the Tease and Coach Matt cruised down the rocky zig-zag trail as if they were riding on a smooth surface, it actually looked like fun, but the Big Fat Chicken knew better than to hope to have even half (or a fourth) of that kind of skill.  Watching me going down the hill could only be compared to...I've drawn a blank, no awkward analogy even applies, yep it was that bad!  I am almost certain that a monkey could have made that descent better than I, and with a great deal more grace! All in all it was definitely an adventure, and despite their controversial methods I still love riding with those crazy Bradley's!

This is for you Tease! ;)

Bumps, rocks, rivers, lack of bike handling... check, check, check, check, and double check!!

Coach Matt, thank goodness I was there to capture this moment...if nothing else! ;)